Defining success

I was recently confronted on how far my success had come. I was actually a bit shocked when confronted, I had actually never thought of my sucess. He told me I was a loser even without  responding to his question. I followed up his comment by telling, «I don´t consider myself a winner nor a loser. I have never really thought about it».  I followed him in his questioning and turned the conversation around and asked him, «Do you have a Phd?». He told me, «No, but I am studying law». This made me think about the concept of success and how it is defined.

Loser, and happy not being or living in the role defined for you.
Clearly, he asked me about my success which is defined from his understanding, experience, values and goals in life. Studying law is to him the same as to me having a Phd, which is why I asked him that question. Having a Phd is what I define as having a success, and according to my shallow definition of success, I´m not successfull. Alas, I am also a loser.

I never defined myself a loser, nor successfull. And I propably won´t start changing this as I see no reason doing so and degrading myself for others self-confidence.  This might be wrong for me to say, but it´s the feeling I got when and how he asked me the question.

Success is linked to confidence in one self.
This might be why my confidence is quite high. I don´t live by the black and white understanding of life. «If I can´t succeed in this, I´m not worth anything», «If I don´t do this I will feel sad and like a failure», «If I don´t change this, my friends wont love me». I am at peace of mind almost all the time. I see the dynamics in our perception of others and their perception and response to our lives. Acknowledging these thoughts and our response to the other individual (which is an important word in this setting) is more worthfull in defining my life, success and happiness. I strive to be a good individual with charisma. I find the goodness in all people, no matter the education, job, social status or physical or mental challenges. I focus on this and being positive, there is a worth in every person.

Success as values, power and wealthness.
I think one of the main reasons one would want success, is to feel good about one self. But the close up reason would be wealth and power, success is linked to money, houses, cars, expencive stuff and real estates abroad. A person with a lot of power is usually also a very rich person. I don’t say that I don’t want all this stuff, but I don’t think it will boost my happinness or make me feel good about myself. Success is something you will need to work hard to keep, no matter what the success is from.

This may be thoughts from a simple mind and a average paid worker. And that’s why I won’t your comments about success; are you successfull? How do you define success? How does your success affect people around you, and how does other peoples success affect you?

-:) Tom

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Forcing change in our feelings to save others.

I recently had a talk with my date, telling him that I just couldn´t feel any love for him anymore. Of course I broke it to him in a more sensitive way. We haven´t known each other for too long but I sensed during our period together that he was in love with me. This made me think about some aspects about the situation we were in; of course I loved it that someone would fall in love with me, but I´m not a sociopat so I didn´t consider the thought of keeping him in the dark. I also had the thought that he would have a breakdown if I told him it´s over and how some gentle souls would endure and make themself an object for the other person to love and save the other one from the breakdown. And most important, I was thinking about the idea of forcing my own feelings to love him. Not a good idea. I think.

Living in a relationship where  you love the other for loving you.

Imagine being in with a person where you «Love» or get a kick out of knowing that someone is loving you, a person who love you of his/her entire heart, and you don´t have the same feelings for the person. Knowing this you get a kick out of knowing you have the power and control over the other person. How would this work? And how would this mold the relationship and daily life together? Relationships might me all about power and control over another human being, not just feelings. This could be why some guys go ballistic seeing his girl talking to another man? Or is it just plain love?

Enduring a relationship because you want to save the other from bad feelings.

Or are you saving/avoiding yourself from bad feelings when confronted with this after a time? How would the other person react to my behavior when finally breaking it to him that I did this just for you. Confrontation is something I feel is natural for humans to avoid, almost at any costs! We are emotional beings, and in a situation like this our own feelings will be confronted and testet. Could this situation be as simple as another variation of love? Or is the word love wrong and should be changed to compassion?

Controlling your feelings, changing them like you decorate your home.

Often we feel to make adjustments to our home, something is disturbing us and we quickly spot the problem and change it, being the angle of a picture, the color on the wall, the old coach is easily swapped for a newer and more comfortable one. Imagine being able to categorize and structure your feelings in the same way, anger is placed to the left in the heart, sympathy to the left right under depression and beneath the feeling of love. And now imagine doing the same thing with your feelings at you did with the pictures and coach, for every person you meet. Moving love up a notch and closer to the surface and being the primary feeling for this other person who openly loves you.  Why would you do this? Why would we want this?

This was just some notes and short reflections around the three thoughts I had when I was in the situation where I knew I had to do something. And this simply because our feelings werent synchronized and I promote honesty and being loyal to people around me. I am that kind of person who´s not afraid of telling the truth even though it might hurt, it´s how you tell it and listen to the other person´s signals. The conclusion was simple enough, even though he loved me he also had his insecurity about the feelings he experienced.

And to continue my chain of thougths, I need your responses, maybe as additions to the three different situations I presented and I would love to hear your perspectives on this.  What would you do, how would you solve this? Would you be all in for enduring in the relationship or would you try to break it as simple as possible?

-:) Tom

Publisert i Emotions, Humans, Relationship | Merket med , , , , , , , | Legg igjen en kommentar

Language and communication in the future (My own blog that is)

I´m not American, which I understand is the most frequent reader on these pages. I´m Norwegian, and as you maybe know, our languages are quite different so I can´t continue writing in my own language to spread my word and interact with people in here. So from now on, I´ll be writing in English. I feel comfortable about it, I don´t think I have many barriers in neither writing nor understanding the English language. The only problem is that I will be using a lot more time to rephrase myself from Norwegian to English so we can understand eachother better. Because! When I first think of something smart to write I need to rephrase and think about my sentences a lot more than usually.

But anyhow! I hope this won´t be a problem in us understanding the subjects and to help eachother reflect together :)


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Respekt for omgivelsene.

Jeg er litt lat, så jeg benytter meg av heisen i boligblokka mi. Det er mange etasjer jeg skal opp så jeg benytter meg av de hjelpemidlene som er her. Heisen er desverre delvis i ustand nå, jeg vet ikke hvorfor og skal heller ikke fundere på hvofor den er ødelagt. Den går opp og ned, men i tilfelle den stopper er det ikke noe alarmknapp som fungerer der lenger. Som et tiltak har vekterselskapet hengt opp en lapp hvor dette står og oppfordrer til å ta trappa om mulig. Et enkelt hvitt ark med kulepenn skrift. Den har da hengt der siden lørdagskvelden tror jeg, i dag var det i tilegg en eller annen person som hadde skrevet «Fuck you!» på arket. Det syntes jeg var «veldig modent» gjort, og tenkte at det må være en av ungene som bor i blokka. Men, samtidig kan jeg ta grådig feil og de kan være en voksen person som bor her.

For voksne er ikke alltid så voksne. Når jeg tenker på voksne mennesker er det en person som er 20 år eller eldre, med sunn fornuft og en forståelse for respekt. Vi er såklart forskjellige, og eldre personer kan oppføre seg som barn til tider. I blokka mi og rundt blokka mi ser jeg ofte tegn på mangelfull respekt for omgivelsene og personene rundt seg. Søppel ligger henslengt, det er tagging på vegger, speilet i heisen blir ofte dekorert med riper, og i dag tidlig var det tilogmed et knust ølglass.

Som person er jeg veldig var på dette, mest på grunn av min oppvekst og oppdragelse hvor jeg hadde det fint rundt meg og vi ble som barn oppdratt til at man skal kaste søppel i søppelkasser. Hva kommer dette av? Hva ville de som bare henslenger søppel og gjør herværk svart om man hadde spørt dem om dems handlinger?

Det jeg tenker de ville svart er : Jeg bryr meg ikke. Det er ikke så farlig. Det er ikke mitt problem. Noen rydder opp for meg. Hvorfor bryr du deg? Det skal vel du bare drite i. Og grunnen til at jeg tenker dette er jo at jeg har erfaring med å ta opp problematikken med enkelte mennesker.

Er det kanskje ikke en måte å vise lite respekt, men et utrykk for vanskelige indre prosesser, kanskje ble de heller ikke lært disse normene som små? Er det kulturelt kanskje?  Kanskje en måte å markere seg og sine standpunkt. Eller markere seg ovenfor andre og holde en fasade?

Publisert i Environment | Legg igjen en kommentar

Hello world!

Det var virkelig passende tittel! Hallo verden! Det er nemlig verden jeg ønsker å lære mer om og alt denne verdenen har å by på!

Bloggen vil være filosofisk, i den grad at det som blir skrevet her er mine refleksjoner og perspektiver rundt diverse temaer, alt fra åndelige og relegiøse temaer til menneskelig atferd og systemer vi møter i hverdagen. Generelt hverdagsfilosofi slik jeg vil kalle det.

Jeg er en åpen, liberal og aksepterende person som liker å høre andre menneskers synspunkter på ting, så jeg oppfordrer til kommentarer og deres refleksjoner på mine innlegg (som ikke er en standard for temaet men mitt utgangspunkt). Jeg oppfordrer til sunn fornuft, respekt for andre og vil ha meg frabett trakkassering og nedlatende kommentarer eller hint om dette. La bloggen og kommentarene oppfordre til videre refleksjon!

Jeg kan utdype litt i forhold til hvordan innleggene vil være; jeg tar utgangspunkt i nyhetsbildet (vg, dagbladet, aftenposten), temaer jeg møter på jobb/fritid/sosiale sammenhenger, sentrale spørsmål innenfor diverse temaer og jeg vil også oppfordre dere til å sende meg spørsmål som vi kan reflektere over sammen

Til da, ha en fin dag

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